Friends and relatives often ask me whether Westray is a good place to visit and my answer is always very clear. “No,” I say. “I wouldn’t recommend it.” Here then are my top ten reasons why you should never visit Westray. In fact, if you ever had Westray on your bucket list of places to visit, you can cross it off now.
1. It’s too crowded
Westray has hundreds of people crammed onto a tiny island. There’s not enough space to even move. It’s almost impossible to have any privacy and you constantly feel overlooked by other people. In fact I once went to the beach for the day and do you know what? There was another person on the same beach! Can you believe it?
2. The weather is awful
Howling winds and torrential rains mean Westray is almost uninhabitable.
Summers are short and the Island is constantly enveloped in a blanket of dull grey clouds.
3. The locals are unfriendly
If you go to Westray you’re sure to get a grumpy look. Westray residents sometimes give you the impression that they’d rather you weren’t there at all. The males on the island are the worst. It’s as if they are constantly wary of you going anywhere near their females.
4. The traffic is desperate
Queuing traffic is a nightmare on Westray. It takes ages to get anywhere.
5. It’s full of old rubbish from before people could even write
Westray is a 5,000 year old rubbish dump. Scattered all over it are the remains of rubbish heaps from before people could even write. There’s just too much filth on Westray. You wouldn’t like it. People just dumped this bead necklace and left it lying around for all that time, without anyone ever clearing it up. Westray is full of such rubbish. It’s definitely not worth going
6. You can’t move for smelly ridiculous-looking fish-eating birds
Westray is so full of smelly fish-eating birds that at some times of the year you can’t walk for fear of treading on one of them. It’s like some ridiculous circus. It’s disgusting.
7. It’s full of ruins
Westray is full of buildings which are complete ruins. Some they didn’t even finish building before they let them go to ruin. They haven’t done anything about them and have just left them there, in ruins.
8. The locals are supremely lazy
Walk around the main village, Pierowall, and you’ll see the inhabitants just lazing around all day.
Some of them are so rude that they don’t even bother to cover their mouths when they yawn right in front of you. Westray’s inhabitants have terrible manners.
9. It’s too dark
Westray is too dark. The roads aren’t even lit at night. Looking up there are all these tiny lights but they’re not close enough or bright enough to see with. Sometimes there’s even an eerie green glow in the sky to the north which is a bit creepy.
10. There’s nothing to do
Westray is devoid of things to do.
There’s also nothing for kids to do.
Seriously, if you’re thinking of visiting Westray then think again. It’s simply not worth going that little bit further for.