Mice

When arriving back at Einar I go through the same routine. It involves turning the electricity on: That wiring looks safe, doesn’t …

Mice. Yes, mice. They really will nibble anything. Anything. This used to be a nice bar of soap. It’s perhaps the last …

Mice. They’ll nibble anything. Anything. Any. Thing. There was the time they nibbled my sleeping bag: Mice nibble… #8 That wasn’t very …

What won’t mice chew? I’m currently carrying out an experiment, whether I like it or not. Every time I come back to …

In the past, the mice at Einar have eaten my air bed, my slippers, my rubber gloves, bicycle inner tubes and even a roll of draught excluder. They have eaten ear defenders, knee protectors, sleeping bags and walking boots. Every time I arrive I wonder what will have been chewed this time.

Shoe laces.

Walking boots.

Curtain tie-backs.

Rubber gloves.

How am I going to look alluring now?

Shammy leather.

Thanks to the mice my car windows will remain dirty – they’ve eaten my chamois leather. I wasn’t going to clean the windows anyway, but now at least I’ve got an excuse.

Ear defenders.

What will defend my ears now that the mice have got at them? What will defend me from the mice eating everything I own?

Draught Excluder. Surely that’s a little self defeating of my mice? I’m not going to be able to make the house a little less breezy for them now.

Bicycle Innertubes. I should have known by the names of the other houses. Musland is my nearest neighbour. That’s Mouseland to the …

Airbeds The house is damp and full of mice in the winter so a traditional mattress isn’t an option for two reasons: …